I'm divorced. It's Christmas morning and I am at my parents house and I'm single after being married almost 10 years. I am the one who initiated it so I don't have any reason to complain, right? I'm the evil girl who decided she wasn't happy in her marriage anymore. It doesn't take away the guilt and shame I feel. So tired of everyone asking, "what happened?" when they find out. Like I didn't do everying possible to prevent it. Like I didn't hang on for much longer than I should have just based on sheer hope that things would change and our love would grow again. I think about my ex-husband (who is a nice guy, btw) and wonder how hurt HE must be today.
The reasons for our marriage ending were very valid. Long story short, we grew apart a long time ago. I knew I could no longer stay in this null or void our marriage had become.
That's how I ended up here. Single and terrified that I'll never find the love I've searched over 35 years for. I know I need to make that leap and make major changes in my life, otherwise this was for nothing. I've never been a risk taker. I hate roller coasters, scary movies or anything that might possibly initiate some adrenaline in my body. I am a planner, a researcher. It took me 15 years to decide to get a tattoo (much to my ex's chagrin).
So....how am I going to jump in head first instead of just dipping my toe in? Because I owe it to myself. And after all, if I don't look out for me then who will?
